Writing Our Own Rules~

Limbo

2011-10-03T01:23:00.000-07:00

Right now, I feel we are just stuck in limbo... There isn't anything going on, other than we are happy when we get to communicate with J. We hate not talking to her more like we use to... It wasn't that long ago that we were talking non stop. I can still remember the feeling that we had known her for so much longer than we have... And when she and I both talked of smiling so much our faces hurt. Its a feeling I've only felt one other time, that was with Scott. I love Scott's face when he sees a newer picture of her, he just lights up. I know he misses her so much, he is feeling really frustrated. She is also going through a tough time due to the deadbeat Dad situation. Its getting harder for her with all of that. That is frustrating for Scott as well, he could fix that problem, someday if she is with us.... She won't ever have to worry about the Deadbeat Dad ever again. And her son's little prayers for a Dad who cares would come true. Limbo, sucks! Its all just heartbreaking... But at least we still have contact with each other.. Is it wrong to want more? I know she can't come here, but I wish we could just meet up without worrying about her being effected by reprisal by her family.

Hard to Believe

2011-09-11T02:47:00.000-07:00

Its hard to believe its been 10 years since 9-11-01. Doesn't seem like it... I just like everyone else remember exactly what I was doing that day. I remember we switched on the news that morning while I was getting ready for work and just as we did, the 2nd plane went into the World Trade Center. It was such a shock...

Today, we will be remembering not just those who died that fateful day, but also their families. The first responders who rushed in when others rushed out, only to die themselves trying to help others. As well as our military who have paid the ultimate sacrifice trying to keep us safe and their families as well. God bless them.

It angers me that there was "no room" according to Bloomberg for the First Responders. How can he be so disrespectful? Any politician who was worth anything would give up their seat to our first responders, they earned their right to be at the 9-11 Memorial Service. How dare they not plan for them to be there? They had how many years to do it? It also angers me deeply that God seems to have been forgotten at this service. I never thought prayer would be banned from a Memorial Service in America. It is freedom of Religion not freedom FROM Religion. There are how American people who don't even realize that the phrase "separation of church and state do NOT exist in the Constitution or Bill of Rights?!? That phrase was used in a letter by Thomas Jefferson and has been taken out of context at best.

We will be praying tomorrow while we watch the Memorial Service on TV, they are unable to stop National Prayer thank God. I hope that many more Americans will join in prayer as well. Our children know the true meaning of 9-11, they know who attacked us and why. They know it was evil that attacked us that day, that its important to be awake in the world and not go to sleep what is going on 1/2 a world away. It can effect you, even if you don't think it does... It was a wake up call for so many Americans. Many have gone back to sleep, a sad fact. Many don't think about those on the other side of the world fighting to keep them safe even today. Nor do many of them remember our military, veterans or their families. Or even those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for their continued freedom and safety. History books have already started white washing some of what happened just ten years ago. Too many don't want to say it was radical Muslim extremists that attacked us that day. They deny that their goal is to take down American and make us an Caliphate even though they state their objectives clearly and in the open. That is scary, because before 9-11 these same people were at war with us before we would even acknowledge that fact. The 9-11 report is clear on that fact, so how can some already go back to sleep? Its important to teach our children not to be afraid, but to stand proudly as Americans. Watchful yet vigilant. (Of course, its important to take what is appropriate for the child's age into consideration as well. Obviously a young child should not be given information they are not yet ready to process or handle.)

I hope to see many flags flying in our neighborhood. Our flag will be flying, just as soon as the sun is up here in AZ. We will fly it proudly and we will NEVER forget.

Updates...

2011-09-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

Well sort of.... I put in a thing to the left on my blog that allows you to email us easier. Since some people were having problems on the profile page. So, problem solved. Clink the link that says email me and we should be all set! :) I would love to do a question and answer session. So, you can leave a question in the comment section or you can email me your question using the handy dandy button on the top left of my blog! :

Other than that there is not much going on. We were praying for J and her son, this was his first week of preschool. All went well I'm happy to report. I miss talking as much as we used to and when our oldest talks about how he skype's every night with his long distance love. I'm thrilled for him because I love the girl, but I wish we did that with J.

I'm finally over my cold. I'm still tired, but glad to be well again. I have a lot of projects I want to get at, especially decorating the house for Halloween/fall. Halloween is one of our favorite holidays. Fall is here, even though its still pretty hot here in AZ. I'm going to try and decorate the house so that it at least feels like fall in the A/C. :)We have tickets to Mickey's Halloween Party at Disneyland and are looking forward to doing Disneyland on two separate days. It is going to be a lot of fun. I'm already planning my pirate costume. :) Dressed like a Pirate while riding Pirates of the Caribbean, how cool is that? Plus it will be good to see Scott's Dad, he has cancer and is having surgery this month. We are praying for him.

Hunting season has opened for Dove and the boys had a good time with Scott going out in the early morning. I'm also looking forward to bacon wrapped squab wings when we have it for dinner. Scott is a fabulous cook, for a long time I didn't eat squab, that was a view that was respected. A few years ago, I tried it because the boys would not stop raving about it. I'm glad I did. I like that they go hunting early in the AM and are back by the time I am getting up. Plus, they usually bring me breakfast. Have to love that!

Scott ordered me a new serger, I'm excited. I have a bunch of sewing projects in mind. I was ready for something to get me going again and this will do it for sure. On top of that he and the boys are currently redoing a fabulous vintage sewing desk for me. It has storage and is awesome! Yes, I'm spoiled and I know it. We got it for a steal, but they have put a ton of work into it to get it stripped, fixing the doors and getting it ready for me. Especially in the AZ heat! Its going to be wonderful once its done! I love vintage!

The Anniversary of 9/11 looms. As I'm sure you are all aware. We will be hanging our flag, I hope that you will be putting one out as well. Its so important to honor all of those we lost that day, including the first responders who rushed in while others rushed out. And of course those who have given their lives in the war on terror, who have paid the ultimate sacrifice. I'm especially praying for a friend who is a Gold Star Widow. She is already having a tough time and 9/11 is always especially hard for her. Her husband who was an Army Ranger, was a true American hero. We will NEVER forget.

I'm still upset the first responders who survived were not invited to the 9/11 Memorial event. That to me is such a slap in the face. Bloomberg said there wasn't room... What a JOKE! If he was a Gentleman he would give up his seat to a first responder. How could there not be room for the first responders who are ill because of 9/11. They are victims that should be honored as well. If I was a reporter I would be doing ambush interviews and asking these politicians why they won't give up their seat to our heroes of 9/11?!? Shameful....

Okay, off my soapbox....

Timing, Faith & an Affirmation!

2011-08-31T02:03:00.000-07:00

With J "thinking" about things, after so much pressure from her family. We continue to be patient, we would NEVER put any pressure on her. That is not how our family works, from the beginning we've said we will take it in her time. In God's time.

Scott's been doing a lot of praying, he told me he keeps asking in his heart if "J" and her son belong with our family. After all, its natural for doubt to creep in. But his answer has continually been that he feels she is meant to be with us. That was just reaffirmed by a close friend who has never been wrong about anything before. Let's just say she has "a gift". And knew when Melissa would go, she knew things about Melissa that only Melissa and I would know. She has always been right about everything, she has an amazing gift.

This friend said that Scott's Grandfather recently came to her. She even knew the "special" name, Scott called his Grandpa. Something we have never discussed with her before. She said that, his Grandfather was a very private, but strong personality. And that is the darn truth. She also knew things about him she couldn't have known. At any rate, to get to the point....

She said, Scott's Grandfather said Scott had been asking a question a lot lately from the his soul. She didn't know what the question was, Scott's Grandfather wouldn't say. He told her, if Scott wanted her to know, Scott would tell her. Again, very like Scott's Grandfather. He said, he wanted to give Scott the answer to the question.

He said, "Search the very depths of your heart you know the answer is yes. The obstacles in the way now will pass."

All, I can say is Wow! If that wasn't a sign I don't know what is...

Like I said, she's never been wrong before. Including in recent weeks knowing about one of son's friend passing and warning us that it was suicide before the family shared that. She also was worried about our son's girlfriends family, as she knew they were going to have a difficult week and were in need of prayer. She was right about that, without any way of knowing... They are mourning the death of a friend's husband.

When our oldest was dating a girl I was worried about, she told me not to worry. She gave me the approximate time they would break up and she was right. When I was worried they would get back together, she told me that wouldn't happen. She also told me that I would be very happy with his new girlfriend and that she is the one. She was right about that as well. In fact, we are thrilled.

Only time will tell if she is right about this, we can only hope and leave it in God's hands. It also is in "J"'s hands. She has to decide what she wants for her future, not just for her but if she wants her son to be a part of this family as well. God does give us blessings, but we have to decide if we are going to be a part of the blessings he offers us, or if we are going to decide that it isn't worth whatever obstacles are in the way. Nothing that is worthwhile ever comes easily. I can honestly say, that God never promises us that our journeys will be easy, even those paths he wants us to follow are never easy. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want us to follow that path. Does it? No, the Bible tells us our paths will not be easy, but the reward is worth the journey. I believe that in my whole heart.

We will just be patient and wait for God's timing...

We are thankful that J and her son were brought safely through the Hurricane. Our prayers were answered about that. What a relief! We are now praying for those who weren't so lucky. It's amazing how much devastation water can do! And so many are without power even now!

Prayers for J & her son, along with all those in the path of Hurricane Irene

2011-08-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

We are praying for all those in the path of hurricane Irene, we have friends all along the path. But we are most worried about J and her son. They live in a basement apartment, so with winds they should be safe. What worries us the most is the water. The storm surge that is expected is what we are most worried about.

We feel pretty helpless to help them. I wish we could just get them out of the way of this storm. I'm glad she has family there, but they don't seem to be taking it that seriously. Which is a worry. All we can do is pray. When we lived in VA, we got out of the way of these things, no property or possession in life is ever worth your taking a chance. As soon as Scott was done with the base getting the jets evacuated, we would leave too. I did go through one hurricane, when Scott was deployed. That was scary, but nothing compared to this storm. People are what matter. Right now, that is what we are worried about. J and her son, who can't get out of the way of this storm. She's at the mercy of her family, just as she is with our relationship. But this is different, all we can do is watch, wait and pray. I wish we could have just flown them here. And not just because we want her with us, but because we want her out of the way of this storm.

Scott is especially worried and even the boys keep asking is she is prepared and ready. Gavin asks about them all the time already.

We always keep; water, food, flashlights and candles on hand. I wish there were time to get it all to J and her son. Especially, since all those things are sold out there.

God be with all in the path of this storm.

Hope

2011-08-11T21:01:00.000-07:00

Hope gives you the strength to keep going

when you feel like giving up.

Don’t ever quit believing in yourself.

As long as you believe you can,

you will have a reason for trying.

Don’t let anyone hold your happiness in their hands;

hold it in your own, so it will always be within your reach.

Don’t measure success or failure by material wealth,

but by how you feel. Our feelings determine the riches in our lives.

Don’t let bad moments overcome you.

Be patient, and they will pass.

Don’t hesitate to reach out for help;

we all need it from time to time.

Don’t runaway from Love, but towards love;

because it is our deepest joy.

Don’t wait for what you want to come to you.

Go after it with all that you are;

knowing that life will meet you half way.

Don’t feel like you’ve lost when plans

and dreams fall short of your hopes.

Anytime you learn something new about yourself,

or about life, you have progressed.

If I could.... I'd help them understand, our promise will last forever.

2011-07-18T23:51:00.000-07:00

I would change a few things, like I would have insisted we come out and get to know "J's" family, before she used the "P" word. But then again, she isn't sure that would even matter. Its partially because we live so far as well. They are very angry with her. I feel so helpless to fix the situation. I just want to get to know each other and worry about all that later. But we can't change how it started now...

I still believe she is meant to be with us, I do with my whole heart. But she is dependent on them at the moment, so she I'm sure is full of "what if's" in her head. I don't like that there seem to have been threats towards her means of support. I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, her family that is... If it were just she, that would be one thing, but she does have Jim. We understand that, we aren't in a rush at all. We would just like them to calm down and get off her back some. We'd like to go on vacation together or meet without her being held hostage. They don't understand we are just a normal family. And when we talked about it tonight, it seems it wouldn't even matter if we were... They don't want her to be so far.

If she loved where she was living, if she loved how she was living, well I could understand that. But she doesn't like where she is living, she wants a family. She wants a Father for her son. It seems like they aren't thinking of any of those things. They don't understand we are talking about a real commitment to her and her child. That Scott would adopt her son, legally and she would never have to worry about a dead beat Dad again. That we would make a legal commitment to her and their future. I wanted to write to them, but it seems that might make things worse at least at this point in time.

I wish things were different, If I could I'd fix it. Because, we care about her and her son SO much. Our entire family, our children included, already care so much. We have been independent for so long, that we are insulated from that kind of thing. Its hard for us to relate, but her family did do a lot for her when she was pregnant and the last 3 years. We do appreciate that, we really do. But it would be nice, if they would see what the future might hold for her, what SHE wants for her future and for her son. Because the family she has created for her son, should come first...

So, we are just praying about it. At this point its all we can do. "J" and her son are special, we're willing to wait, she's worth it. This time is a short period of time, when we are talking about forever. If we flew out to where she lives, they might not even let us see her. And I just feel like crying...

A little thing that happened, that just might make you laugh :)

2011-07-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

Oh my Goodness, I have to share this.....I thought Scott was on the phone with "J" earlier today. I kept telling him things I wanted to tell her... I could NOT for the life of me understand why he was not listening to me and kept giving me "the look". You know the look of don't bother me right now. It didn't stop me from adding my 2 cents. He kept looking at me like, are you nuts? I was really getting perturbed with him for not telling her what I was saying to him.... I even yelled out a joking, "When you marry us, you can help!". When he was talking about our business. He just turned his back and kept talking! Wow, I was really getting mad. This wasn't like Scott at all... What the heck. And then I found out... He was not on the phone with "J"! He was on the phone with his MOTHER! Oooopsie, Hahahaha!

I just had to share that! J got a laugh out of it too when I told her! And I'm happy to report the last 2 days her phone has been working much better. Which has made my hubby and I both much happier! :)

Sleepless in AZ

2011-07-11T22:50:00.000-07:00

I need to write more often, this is realize. Its just when your courting by phone, text, email, etc. There is not a ton to wrote about. I'm truly ready for visits. Or at least make solid plans for visits, Scott is too. But right now there is a problem with "J's" immediate family. I can't fix her family or how they feel about her leaving to be with another family. I can't make her Sisters' accept us, its all frustrating. For her, for us.... It just sucks. I don't know exactly what one of her Sister's said to her about the situation. I don't think it was very nice. I do know she forbid her to speak about us to her again or leaving to be with us again... Not good....

I don't know when we will be doing the first visit. I just don't know.... And I hate not knowing, I'm a worrier and I can't imagine anyone but J joining the family. :( Neither can Scott, we care about her so much. I know its a short time, that there is plenty of time.... But being far and not being able to go on normal dates, that just makes the whole situation worse.

We have sent some packages. And when she was really down about what her Sister said, we sent flowers. That is about all we can do at the moment. Its hard for her, her Sisters' both live across the street from her and her Mother lives in the same building she does... In fact, her flowers were delivered to her Mom by mistake. Ooopsie! Throw in problems with her cell phone reception.... And its like a comedy... kind of... Only with some tears thrown in.

One thing we love about J is that family is important to her. But that isn't making this difficult situation easy at the moment. And that leaves us Sleepless in AZ and her Sleepless in NY. Can't we just meet on top of the Empire State building and live happily every after?

Telling a Close Friend

2011-06-14T23:33:00.000-07:00

Tonight, we told a very close friend about our "J", the special lady we are courting. This friend means a lot to our family, she may live on the other side of the town, but we both cherish her friendship. It went better than I could have ever expected. Turns out, she is already friends with a polygamous wife! Sheeesh, guess she keeps really good secrets :) Our friend is excited for us! She was thrilled right off the bat, even before she asked questions! She said, our marriage is the strongest she knows and thinks its wonderful. She can't wait to meet J when she comes for the visit, without a doubt she is thrilled for us. I'm so glad we decided she would be the first local friend we told, we had decided a bit ago she would be. But, I had wanted to tell her in person, I thought that would be better. I'm so glad we didn't wait, because now we have a close friend who supports us, is excited for us and loves us regardless.

I wish I could call J and tell her, but she's spending the night at a friend's house tonight! J and the little one will be at Sesame Place tomorrow. Wish we were going with them! When they get back, our package of presents should be waiting for them :) Yes, we have her real address now. I know I haven't blogged much, I need to do better about that! I will say that things are going very well. Its amazing how we are nearing our 2 month Anniversary and it seems like we have been together longer, that she was meant to be with us. And that we were meant to be with her and her child. Can't thank the Lord enough for bringing J and her son to us!

Courting a Sisterwife...

2011-05-19T02:12:00.000-07:00

Would be so much easier if she didn't live SO far.... :(

Is it possible to miss someone you haven't yet met? You betcha! It would be so much easier if we could just go out on regular dates and have her over for dinner... I'm not going to get discouraged though, I'm not going to let it bother me.... Because we are SO happy to be so blessed that she found us. Thank you Lord, because in our hearts, Scott and I know she was Heaven sent!

Someone Special....

2011-05-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Someone special has come into our lives, or should I say two special people. Because this someone special has an adorable child! I'm excited, I'm elated and this person puts a huge smile on my face when my phone buzzes. Its been a crazy few weeks, our oldest came home from University and its the shortest visit yet. So, we packed in a lot of family fun in a short period of time. We had a great time, but I'm a bit tired. I've been meaning to write for some time, in fact I have a few posts I do need to publish, that are sitting waiting. This one gets to jump to the head of the line.

This special person found us, we did not find her. She stumbled across my blog and read all the posts, she got to know us through the blogs before we even knew she was there. She's never commented on any of the posts and as you know I haven't been posting much anyway. We had put our search on the back burner while we went through my health crisis, which thanks to the Lord above we got through and are back to just being "us".

As I was saying, this special lady found us, she wrote us and her mail was returned. Why? I have no clue... But she still wrote us again, as Scott recently said, Who does that?!? I can tell you for the most part if mail is returned, that is it if I think I have the address correct. I'm so glad she wrote us again, in fact I'm thrilled she wrote us again. I loved the look on my husband's face when he saw her picture, I love how he said, We're going to write this one, right?!? It was adorable. I'm so glad we wrote her. I don't know where life will lead us or what God has in store. But I do know that this feels different than anyone we've ever talked to. I feel like we already know her and we have so much in common. Now, I'm not looking for some carbon copy of me. If she has other interests, that is great. It is nice to have things in common though. She doesn't have to look at the world through my eyes, I can celebrate differences as much as I can things we have in common.

Her son is just so handsome, you can tell he is smart. We've seen video and he is just so cute. He reminds me a lot of our second son. You can just tell he is thinking. He is also so sweet. There is one video where he tries to share his ice cream with his Mother, its just so touching. I love to hear about him, what they are doing, going to the park, etc. She is a wonderful Mother, you can tell he is her whole world and her priority. She feels the same way about him as we do about the boys. There is NOTHING more important than our children and our family. Finding someone who feels that way has been our priority. He deserves the best, he deserves a great family and so does she. The fact that she is looking for a family, not just a husband, well that I fully believe. Not because I want to believe it, but you can tell that she means it.

Its interesting that when you find someone who you feel a special bond with, its interesting that things you never thought you could find yourself thinking or doing...Well, I just have to say that sometimes you surprise yourself. Now, I'm never going to say what this is, but there was something that a month ago I would have thought it would be a deal breaker. That said, I would like to say the content of her character has already been proven, because of that and some prayer along with some education on our part. This deal breaker is not a deal breaker at all, now it might be with someone else, but not with her. Now our reaction; surprised Scott some, it surprised me a bit and it surprised her as well. God works that way, he helps you through things and helps you grow in ways you never thought possible. This time he did it rather quickly, we prayed and I can tell you I have never felt such an immediate answer to my prayer in all my life. I felt as if he had tapped me on the shoulder and showed me the way. Even filling my head with words that made perfect sense to the situation. Words I didn't have earlier before the prayer. Scott had the same experience and it took us both by surprise. I do believe God is taking the lead, I'm going to trust Him. The past is the past, the only thing that matters is where we go from here.

Now, the only sense of frustration I have found so far is that I wish we lived closer. I want to just make a date and go out to dinner. I want to go to the movies or go to the park with her. Its frustrating and this is only the beginning! I know that we are just getting to know each other and there will be visits. But right now, I just wish we could get the two of them together with our family. I want to do things together! The fact that we can't at the moment.... Well, it is bothering me more than I would have ever imagined. We are new to this long distance thing... Its a new stage for all of us. She's new to all this too. So, we are going down this journey together and we will see where we end up. Let's hope with God's help, we might just end up a family.

I must admit, I'm a little scared. Anyone who knows me well knows I wear my heart on my sleeve. Its something I can't change, its who I am, I don't think I want to change it. It does mean, that I am easily hurt. I know that in order to open up your heart to someone there is a chance you could get hurt. I'll take that chance, because if you don't take that chance you might miss out on something special or someone special. She thinks that this is what she wants, I hope it is, but she's new to all this and hasn't been looking for a family for very long. That scares me a bit. I also hope that our strong feelings off the bat don't scare her. I can say that when Scott and I started dating, he had this feeling right away that I was the one. It scared me a bit, even though I knew he wasn't in a hurry and he wasn't expecting anything immediate. It still scared me. He has always been able to pick things up with feelings, he's often right about them. I'm so glad it didn't scare me off though, because I would have missed out on so much. I wouldn't change spending my life with Scott for anything or everything in the whole wide world. What we have is precious and priceless in my opinion. I hope that we can share that with her. I think she's special and she deserves to be happy. She deserves to be supported in what she wants out of life and so does her son. The both deserves a loving family.

When I started this blog, I asked God to send us the right person for our family. Scott and I have prayed that I can't tell you how many times. Just when you least expect it, sometimes God answers your prayers. At the very least, we can end up friends. But I can say whole heartily that I hope it ends up something far more than a friendship. One thing we did ask God, is to recognize when God sent us the right person, I think we've done that. Let's hope that when we find that right person, she's able to recognize that we're the right family for her.

Now, we're not in a rush. We are going to take our times and get this right. We're just going to get to know each other, see how the pieces fall in place and where God leads us. No matter what, I'm glad we've met someone special.

I'm not picking your pocket, nor am I breaking your leg.

2011-04-11T02:38:00.000-07:00

On our journey, I've come across all kinds of people. From those who email you just to tell you they don't agree with what you're doing, other families searching, women searching for families, to haters who aren't just sharing their opinion, but are down right abusive. And then there are people interested in what we are doing and want to know more, people writing papers, etc.

I've made some great friends, each one means a lot to me. I'm still in touch with some of them, others I lost contact with when I was absent. I'm glad to be back and working on my blog again. We always seem to have a lot going on and busy, as happens when you have a busy family. I plan on sharing more of what we are doing on a regular basis, so that you can get to know us better.

Recently, I made a new friend. I have to say, we have had a lot of fun getting to know each other; we laugh and often finish each others sentences. She's very easy to talk to and I find myself looking forward to talking to her and so does Scott. I don't really know where things will lead. We have a great deal in common, but right now it is far too early to say this person is anything other than a friend. Her life is not ready for anything serious at the moment, there are some loose ends, but who knows what the future holds.

I would say all in all, the people I have come across far outweigh those that are negative. Even if there are times when there is more hate mail in my box than positive, those that are positive over ride anything negative. Perhaps I do wear my heart on my sleeve. Yet, I'm not going to change who I am or what I want out of life because of the negativity of others. What I can't believe is that I actually allowed the negativity of others to keep me from sharing here on my blog. Doing so only allows those haters to control you, perhaps that is their real motive. Control.

What a sad existence one must have to have nothing better to do than to try and upset others. You have a right to your opinion, but you don't have the right to share it in a degrading, insulting way. The truth is that I don't care if you agree with our search or not. As long as what I am doing does not hurt you in any way, you really have no right to dictate my life. One of our founding Fathers, Thomas Jefferson once said, "If it It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." In other words, people have the right to live the lives of their choosing as long as it didn't hurt others. Our search for another soul mate does not hurt you, nor am I asking you to pay for it.

Think of it this way, I have the freedom (ie. right) to swing my arm if I want to, but I don't have the right to swing my arm and injure you. Do you see my point? It doesn't effect you, its our lives, its our marriage. Some are worried that its against God's law, thank you for your concern for my soul, but my relationship and my actions are between God and I. Again, it does not concern you.

You are free to express your opinion, I have no problem with that. But you don't have the freedom to bully, call names, insult my intelligence, slander or make up assumptions about my marriage. Got it? I won't allow you to degrade me on my own blog, your words will not be published, they will not be taken to heart. Opinions are welcome, abuse is not.

I hope no one takes this the wrong way. I'm open to meeting new friends and new people. I love doing so, but I am not going to let the bullies effect my behavior anymore. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going to change who I am or what I want because you don't agree. While I am always willing to respectfully hear the other side of the debate, I'm not going to publish blatant harassing comments.

I'm not picking your pocket, nor am I breaking your leg. I'm standing or I should say, we are standing on our own feet. We are united in our decision to feel that this is where God is leading us and this is what is right for our family.

What do you think?

2011-03-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

So, I've changed the look of the blog! What do you think? I love the colors and so does Scott. It wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but I fell in love with it.

Isn't that sometimes like life? You are looking for something or even someone, but just when you are sure of what your looking for life throws something at you. Wham, you find yourself head over heels with something or someone you didn't expect, but are absolutely happy and turns out that was what you needed all along.

Sometimes, I think people are so set in what they think they want in their future relationship and are too closed off. They don't open themselves up to the possibility that maybe some of their deal breakers are keeping them from the right person. I think it happens in poly relationships and in mono ones as well.

Why not just get to know someone and see where it leads, you could find out that those deal breakers, weren't quite so important after all. We all grow and change through life. None of us stay the same. If we close ourselves of from the what if, what do we miss?!? Could be quite a lot!

Just a thought, let me know what you think!

The picture of the beach heart is not mine.

Things are heating up!

2011-03-06T20:05:00.001-08:00

In Arizona that is! Our weather is getting warmer and it feels like Winter is over. We've had the windows open more this year than a lot of years. Its been great. The past winters we went from heat to a/c or from a/c to heat, with little time in between with the windows open. I LOVE having the windows open.

I haven't been on here in quite awhile, my usage of the blog has been quite sporadic for quite awhile. We had a lot going on with the family and I was tired all the time.

Well, it turned out I had a major health issue, 3 large tumors to be exact. I've had surgery and by the grace of God and to the surprise of the Mayo clinic the tumors were benign. But this whole health issue did take a tole on me to be sure. I have an amazing family, I have an amazing husband. Who said, I don't care what the cost, just find out what is wrong and help her. I'm so fortunate to be so blessed. There were times when the whole thing was quite scary, my family and especially my husband was there for me all the way. When I was scared, when I was in pain, when the Doctors were sure I had cancer. When I was in ICU after surgery. I may have one less ovary and am glad to have the tumors out of my body. But going through it all made us stronger than ever.

I'm getting my strength back, still have some other things to get straightened out health wise. But my family is behind me and I am cancer free. That is an amazing feeling. I'll talk more about this in posts to come, but for right now that is all!

Happy Mothers Day!

2010-05-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Mothers Day to all my Mom friends! I love being a Mother, some say it's a thankless job, but I do not agree. My family lets me know they appreciate me and love me daily. I know that I'm fortunate and I thank God that he blessed me with my family.

Scott woke up, he brought breakfast up to bed and we spent time together before the boys were up! We let them sleep late, so it was nice to have the alone time together. Yes, Mothers Day can be romantic!!! I loved my cards, the boys cards are almost always funny, which I love since I know they put the time into it to pick them out. The card from Scott was funny this year, but what he wrote on it was romantic and from the heart. It was the best of both worlds! I was pleased with all the gifts! The boys wrapped their gifts themselves, even picked out their own wrapping paper. It's interesting to see what kind of wrapping paper each of them picks on their own. It gives you a window into their own style. They even had bows to match, their wrapping skills have come a long way over the years, I was impressed. While I loved what the boys picked out. My favorite gifts were from Scott, I love Philosophy!!!! He remembered that I wanted Pure Grace, so he gave me the fragrance and body lotion! He is tricky! He always tapes like crazy and makes you work to get into your presents! I thought I was going to have it easy when I saw the gift bag, but he had wrapped them before putting them in the gift bag!! He also gave me the Coconut frosting shower gel as well. (What I love about Philosophy is that its actually shampoo, shower gel and bubble bath. Makes your hair smell SO good! If you haven't tried it, you are missing out!) I was thrilled. Yes, I could buy those things for myself if I wanted, but there is something special about getting them as gifts.

I took a LONG afternoon nap, which was great. I had a horrific migraine yesterday, it ran into the wee hours of the morning. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep last night. So, one of the best things about today was that the migraine let up so I could truly enjoy Mothers Day, Praise God for that!!!

We even made some plans for next year, we plan on having a Mothers Day brunch at our house. We will be more than settled in the new house and living close to part of my family. Instead of sending flowers, we can give them in person! Creating new traditions in our new home.

Mothers Day to me isn't just about the gifts, it's about being with the family. I love being appreciated of course, who doesn't? It's nice to have a day dedicated just to thanking you for being a great Mom. I'm fortunate that I have a family that thanks me everyday. I feel loved, not just today, but everyday and that is important!

*The photo is from the internet and not one we took.

Plans for this Summer!

2010-05-04T03:02:00.000-07:00

Our biggest plan is to finally move! I still haven't found a house that I like near as much as the one I liked last year. I thought we came close to it and then found out that there were power lines not that far from it. We will not move near major power lines. Even if being around all that EMF wasn't bad for you (I find that hard to believe). If you buy a home near major power lines it would only take just ONE major credible study saying they cause cancer and your property value would plummet! No thank you!

A bit of good news for us, is that it turns out the people who bought our favorite house are going to be putting it back on the market. Our agent is now talking to their previous agent. We are hoping to make an offer before they put it on the market formally. Keep your fingers crossed, because it's a wonderful house! And like I said, we haven't found one that compares to it.

We are going to CA this month to go see family, it will also be a a great family vacation. I love Southern CA, but wouldn't want to live in OC anymore. However, I do like to visit! We will be hitting the beach of course, the boys love to boogie board. Of course, we all wish we were going to Hawaii again, but not this year. Although the boys keep asking WHEN we are going going back! Scott's brother wanted us to go to Lake Tahoe with him, but I just can't see us fitting it in this summer. He wanted to go on vacation with all of us, since we had such a good time last year. Scott's parents have rented a condo for 2 weeks this summer as they go back to Hawaii any chance they get. Scott's brother made a joke about everyone dropping in on them! I am sure they would not like us trying to fit into a condo with them, it was so great to have such a large beach house last year. We will be seeing a lot of family while we are in CA, which will be great. We can fit in all our goodbyes! We do plan on going home to CA once in awhile after the move. I'm sure they will come visit us as well, even though they keep fussing about us moving to the mid-west! Family IS important to us! They can drive you crazy sometimes, but we love them! In addition, we have some friends we want to fit in seeing, when we go home we try to see them if possible.

We had family photos taken last year on vacation. The boys actually enjoyed our photo session on the beach. We have thought about finding a photographer to take them here in Arizona before the move. Not that we don't have photos we've taken all over the place... But it's nice to have someone else take them for a change. We are going to have to decide quickly though, because it's heating up here! I really just do not want to be out having our pictures taken in the desert when it's 115! I will say our weather here is better this year than usual, which is really nice.

A trip to Vegas! I love Vegas, even as a child I loved going to Vegas. We have some family there and some friends from when Scott was in the Air Force. We want to try and make a quick trip. There is some talk that some of Scott's siblings will join us in Vegas, we will see.

We also plan on doing something with friends here before we leave, some sort of party. Saying goodbye to friends does make me sad. Although, I remind myself I will be meeting new people and making new friends. Maybe we will even find our second wife among our new friends! You never know what is on the horizon!

(Scott took the photo on this blog this winter.)

Where we are today...

2010-04-28T19:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been awhile since I've written. Life just gets busy, we are still in Arizona. We delayed our plans for a little while, but will be moving before this summer is over. I'm excited about the move, as is the rest of our family. We have a couple of houses we have our eye on, hoping some more pop up now that the weather is warming, it's exciting. In the meantime, we've done a ton to our house that we will be putting up for rent. We put in new floors in the bathrooms, they are gorgeous! And all of the tile work is done downstairs, I love how the herringbone with insert pattern turned out, Hubby did an amazing job! All is done with the exception of the laundry room.

We haven't done a lot in looking for a sister-wife. We haven't changed our minds, we have never re-considered, it is still our hope and prayer that we will find the right person for our family. For the most part we are just waiting until after the move before doing some more serious looking.

Week before last we had a fabulous weekend in Scottsdale without the kids. It was a lot of fun. We went to the Culinary Festival, met up with friends and then ended up at our favorite nightspot. Then slept in! We plan on coming back to AZ for getaways after the move, perhaps someday we will be doing that with a sisterwife! Family is everything, but it's VERY important to have time as a couple.

So, that is where we are at the moment, we just have put things in God's hands and see where we go from here. In the meantime, we are just enjoying our friends here in Arizona before the move. I'm glad we've had more time with them than we planned. So, in the end it all worked out.

I'm posting one of our pictures from when we were in Hawaii! I'm not going to keep it up forever. I have to saw one of the biggest reasons I stayed away for awhile were some threatening emails. However, I've decided I will no longer retreat because some ignorant person wants to try to control my life and my actions by making threats!

As summer comes to a close.

2009-09-07T21:07:00.000-07:00

Well, It's been quite awhile since I've written or even spent much time on the internet. I have a lot of blogs to catch up with since I've been busy with vacation in Hawaii, vacationing in California, summer activities, getting curriculum set for the boys for the new school year, our oldest going back to Univ, well I could go on and on... My laptop also died right after we got back from Hawaii and I was sick right after our vacation as well.... jeepers it makes me tired just thinking about it.

It is still very hot in Arizona, I don't know how people lived here before there was a/c. I could not do it!!! Nor would I even want to try.

Now that things are settling down I plan to catch up blogs and what is going on with people. I'm not going to spend as much time on Yahoo messenger and my favorite poly community as I did prior to unplugging because I really feel I was spending too much time online and not enough time with my biggest priority which is and will always be my family.

Aloha!

2009-07-03T22:56:00.000-07:00

Aloha! I just have not had the time to get to my blog as of late! I was busy getting ready for our vacation before we went to California, getting ready for two weeks in Hawaii takes a lot of time! I was hoping for more computer time once we got to Kailua on Oahu in Hawaii to blog about our vacation, but we have been on the go! Time is passing quickly, but we are not going home yet, thank goodness!

We are celebrating my inlaws 40th Anniversary! It is really special because the whole family is here, Scott's sisters, his brother, his parents and the boys and Scott of course. For awhile even Scott's sisters boyfriends were here. It's been great staying in a beach house large enough to give everyone their own space and here in Kailua. We are having a wonderful time and Kailua has a huge Fourth of July celebration that we are planning to attend. We feel fortunate to have a vacation like this and are not taking it for granted. We thank God for our blessings and are enjoying every minute here in Hawaii.

I will be happy to share some of our pictures and our adventures once I have more time, right now being on the computer is not the way I plan to spend our time here! So, in the meantime, Happy Fourth of July everyone! We plan on going to the parade tomorrow in Kailua and having a wonderful day together, we hope you have a wonderful day as well as we celebrate our country and our freedom.

God Bless America : ) We are not a perfect country, but we can be proud to be Americans!

Family Life and Our Myspace

2009-06-10T22:35:00.001-07:00

Lately, I've have the urge to start a new blog about our family life. We have a lot going on right now and I'd love to share that we are just a normal, average family. My thoughts are that I would link the two blogs, but also keep them separate. I'm still thinking about it, but I would definitely like to share more about our family.

In the meantime, if you would like to know more about our family, I thought I'd link our myspace. Yes, you can even see pictures of our family! I don't know if I will share our myspace link on this blog forever. It is a sad state of affairs that some people choose to harass those who are pro-polygamy and have polyblogs.

Edit: I removed the myspace link due to some email threats.

My pet peeves along the path to finding another soul-mate....

2009-06-07T02:14:00.000-07:00

This post was inspired by my husband, Scott. He just wrote a post on his blog about his pet peeves while on our journey to find a sister-wife for our family. It started me to think about some of the things that have bothered me, some are similar to Scott's but not all of them. Either way, I thought I would get some things off my chest as well.

I'm sure single women searching for families have plenty of pet peeves too. It's all just part of life, learning to deal with all types of people is an important lesson. I understand that and I do feel that we are both growing along the way. It's also helped us to realize what we do and don't want as we search for the right person for our family. It's helped us appreciate each other along the way as well and that is always a good thing. I love my husband, I really do, I am lucky to have the family I do. I Praise God for all my blessings, I will praise him when when we take vows with our new spouse as well. Until then, I will continue to pray for patience as we search, here are some of the things that we have encountered and that bother me.

The Politics of it all... Hearing things from other prospectives helps us learn and grow. That said, there are some things that you just can't get over... For instance, I have plenty of friends and family with different political views. We get along well and it has never been a problem. But within our home our views are pretty similar, some opposing views are fine. However, I don't want my home to turn into a battle ground. If someone shares their opinion, I will listen and I expect them to give me the same courtesy. I don't want anyone to say that because I'm in the middle on certain issues that means I should just pick a side. Excuse me? If I see both sides of an issue and am in the middle or center of the road, that is my perogative. I don't criticize your views, I believe that it is one thing to criticize an issue and an entirely different view to attack the person because of their political views. Let's leave personal attacks out of it.

Don't Question how serious we are.... Wow, recently just because my husband and I want to take our time, go slowly and be cautious about choosing a sister-wife... Someone said, we weren't serious and probably just liked the idea of polygamy! Hello?!?!? That really offended me! I wish that I didn't care what people who make stupid comments say, but I do... Guess what? They couldn't be more wrong! For one, this isn't something we take lightly, it's something we've discussed for years, prayed about carefully and are pursuing wholeheartedly. Every single day several times a day, I pray for God to guide us on this journey. So, don't you dare decide how serious we are just because maybe we weren't right for you. Or because we aren't doing something according to your timeline. We have a happy, loving family with a secure foundation. It is vital to be careful about who we bring into the family. The right person or our family will understand that. She will also be just as cautious and take marriage just as seriously. This isn't something we are doing on a whim, it isn't something we take lightly. Don't question how dedicated we are just because we want to take things slowly or because you weren't right for our family. We believe marriage is forever, it's not something you try out! You don't just try it for a short time and then say you made a mistake and jump into the next relationship. Who are you to question our dedication? You don't know us well enough to question our motives do you? If your questioning how serious we are about our search, then I know for a fact you don't know us.

And while we're at it... Don't question my motives for wanting another wife for our family. It bothers me when someone thinks that there must be something wrong with my marriage for me to want to bring another woman into the family. Wow, just because we are looking you are going to decide that about us? That somehow wanting the benefits of plural marriage for my family and the love of a sister-wife means that we have a problem? Guess what? Your wrong. Since we've been looking I've had emails that we must have a problem in our marriage. We don't, we have one of the best marriages I know. People who know us often compliment us on our marriage and our family. Someone who thinks this couldn't be more wrong. Besides, bringing another person into your marriage rarely solves problems, it's not fair to the other person to bring them into a relationship that isn't stable. My marriage doesn't need saving, so please don't try to drop something like that in my lap. And don't even begin to say my motives are sexual. Plural marriage is about more than sex. Our sex life is great, it's very active and will continue to be when we bring another spouse into the family. It's not just about wanting more children either. If it was we would adopt or hire a surrogate. I don't want a baby factory and I don't want a nanny. If I did again, I would hire someone to be a surrogate or a nanny. Wanting to have children someday with someone you love is no different than single people who search for a soul-mate who also has interest in children and family. We are no different in that respect. We want to find someone who is interested in having children when they settle down get married and the time is right. I know there are families that that seems to be their only focus or the reason they want a polygamous marriage, but we are not that family. We don't use people and we are truly searching for someone with whom we can spend the rest of our lives. We don't want to treat someone as a second class citizen. So, don't try to drop those things in my lap either.

First Wives are not thrown out with the bathwater... My husband loves me, when the right person joins our family, our husband will love her as well. Just because we have been together for a long time doesn't mean he's throwing me over for the new model. That isn't the case. However, quite recently there was someone who felt they were owed the 20 years he's been with me. Well, you are welcome (if you are the right person and it was pretty obvious this one wasn't) to spend the next 20 years or hopefully much longer with us. But I am not going to stand aside and hand you the next 20 years on some plate. Sure you can have private time together, that is important, but you can't expect to make up all the private time I've had with Scott in the past. That isn't reasonable, it isn't a healthy polymarriage if that is what is happening. Anyone who truly wants a sucessful polymarriage should understand that. Being the second wife is different than being a mistress on the side. If your looking to take a man away from his family in that fashion then perhaps being the other woman is more what you are looking for, but that isn't what my husband is looking for in a relationship. We want one marriage, one family as a polygamous family. If you don't want that, if you think that you should make up for all the time we've ever spend together, then that doesn't sound like someone who is ready to share a husband. Does it??? I'm not about to stand aside, I will be proud to have the right person stand with "our" husband, but I'm not going anywhere. Who would want a husband that wants to throw the first wife out with the bathwater anyway? How long would a husband like that really make a happy marriage? And how long before a husband like that is looking for a new model? My husband and I have a happy loving lasting lifelong marriage. If that is what you want as well, someone who will love you for a lifetime, then you shouldn't expect him to cast the first wife aside. Celebrate my love for my husband and I will be just as joyous celebrating your love for him as well. I pray everyday for a woman who will love my husband just as much as I do.

What goes around comes around, even with gossip.... Wow, sometimes I feel like we've gone back to high school. Isn't that sad? People love to talk about other people, even when they don't know them well or worse yet, it's just something they have heard about someone else. Second hand information like that is rarely right and the more people it's past through the more it gets twisted. Often people say things online in chat they wouldn't dare say to someone's face. Gossip in these chat rooms seems to be constant. Unfortunately a lot of it is bitter. If something didn't work out between someone, or a single girl didn't fit with a family, they will talk about them behind their back. Why? Just because you weren't right for that family or they weren't right for you... Does that mean you have to be mean spirited or air out your dirty laundry to everyone? Don't you have any class? Can't you take the highroad? I wouldn't do that to a single girl looking or a family. I have more respect for her than that. But I have seen it over and over. I think this needs to stop on both sides. Stop airing your dirty laundry in chat rooms! That goes not just for single girls looking for families, but for families looking as well. Then there are people who are in these chat rooms just for the gossip. Beware of the person who is anxious to fill your ears with this and that about someone, because they are probably gossiping about you the minute you leave chat. If your gossiping in chat, don't get mad or be suprised if what you said gets back the person you talked about. It's bound to do so... If you don't want people talking behind your back, then help break the cycle and don't get caught up in the gossip yourself. It's not easy to do, I know this, but there are people who feed off of negative gossip. They will twist and turn your words and you mind drive off a family or a single girl over something that was taken the wrong way. Think about it, often in gossip the only person you are truly hurting is you.

Don't Patronize me.... Wow, I can tell you that patronizing people really bother me... The worst bit of patronizing I have heard is someone who within 2minutes of IM said, "When I have sex with your husband and we have children, honey they will be yours too." Well, that is great...Let me say this, I don't even know you yet. But thanks for offering your children to me.... I'm not your 'honey' and I don't know that I want to have children with you. If you were to marry us, which I can't possibly know if that is something I want to do... Wouldn't he be 'our' husband? We aren't just interested in you for sex or babies! So, let's slow down and get to know each other. Otherwise, it just seems like you are just telling me what you think I want to hear. Believe me, that isn't the case. I want to hear the truth and form a genuine relationship. It also feels false and that you are rushing things for some reason. Relax, let's just get to know each other and see where things lead, why is that so hard? Please do not call me honey or sweetie right off the bat. If we get to know each other and you still think I'm a sweetheart, well then you can tell me so, but please I'd really like to know you first otherwise it feels false and patronizing.

Will the real people please stand up? Fakes, Oh how I hate them. Usually they want to talk about sex right off the bat or web-cam right away. I don't think anyone dating a family really asks them what their favorite sexual position is right after saying hello. Do you? Families don't perform sex acts on camera, at least those who are interested in a person and not just sex.After we get to know you, have had you visit, perhaps we can have web-cam chats in time. But I will not be having sex on camera even after that, so if that is what you want....We are not the family for you! Sorry, don't even ask... It's not happening. Don't ask for money! Only fakes do this, I'm not stupid! I'm not sending a wire of money around the world thinking your going to use it to come visit. If for some reason we are ready for a visit, we would buy the ticket (non cashable) to have you visit. But I'm NOT sending you the money to buy it. I don't have SUCKER written across my forehead. I've looked and it's not there. I don't have any problems with someone verifying that we are real people and not a scammers, so if we get to the point don't expect that we wouldn't do the same and check into as well. Any girl who is really looking for a family will understand. I hate hearing about families that have been scammed. I hate bearing about single girls that have had families try and take advantage of them. It really bothers me a lot. I do believe that some heartbreak could be avoided by just being a little more careful. Maybe it's not romantic, but neither is the alternative if things go badly.

Sometimes you can't force it... When your searching for the love of your life, your going to come across people that don't meet what you are looking for or you aren't who they are looking for and there is nothing wrong with that. It happens with people who are monogamous too. Instead of being upset, I figure that just means we are that much closer to finding the right person. Scott and I honestly wish these people all the best and hope they find what they are looking for in a family. We don't wish them ill will, we aren't rude, we are honest and polite. We try to treat others the way they wish to be treated. We would like them to do the same. There are some people who just can't take it... Instead, they decide to they need to tell you it's not possible and that you will never find what your looking for and use their own baggage from failed relationships to tell you all the reasons why this won't work. We even had someone who admitted they were quite jaded from failed poly relationships tell us that we could never treat someone as an equal. Well, just because you have been hurt by other in the past, that doesn't mean we are the same as those people! We don't use people, we don't have the same lives. We aren't the same people who hurt you, I'm sorry you were hurt but we don't fit the box you are trying to fit us into. Don't label us as the same as people you have come across in the past. We wished you the best, why can't you just be polite and do the same. In this world we can all use poly friends so why slam us with your negative baggage? We don't fit the label so go post it somewhere else. Be graceful, be classy and don't belittle yourself by choosing to turn it into person slams. Especially when you don't really know us! Don't assume you know us because you've talked with us in one IM session!!! You can't, it's not possible. Be honest with people and if your not a fit with them, wish them the best, but don't start hitting below the belt because things didn't work out. Everyone has things they are looking for in a spouse, don't take it personal if we are looking for something different than you are, don't be catty just because you aren't right for us. We won't take it personal if you aren't right for us either.

Please just tell the truth... Don't pretend to be someone your not, don't lie. That is not the way to find the right family. It's not the way to treat others, you don't want families to lie to you, so don't lie to us. It's important to be who you are, it's important to be true to yourself. It's the only way to be happy in this life. Don't set expectations for yourself that you can't meet, that only leads to unhappiness for everyone. Be who you are, if we are right for you, then it will work out, if not then I'm sure there is another family for you somewhere. Sooner or later the truth always comes out, let's save the heartbreak and just be honest. We don't expect you to be perfect, you might be surprised to find that we are pretty understanding. If you have a problem with a person, discuss it with them.

Leave your expectations behind, we will do the same... Some of the best marriages have started with great friendships. Don't expect that just because we say hello, we are ready to move you in next week. Someone special who was interested in polygamy, but not sure, decided not to pursue it because they were afraid that the family might have expectations for them. They didn't want to let the family down if it didn't work out. Why not just open your hearts to friendship? Even if it doesn't work out you may have life long friends. If something else develops cross that bridge when you come to it. Don't get ahead of yourself. Leave expectations behind, often that is when you truly find love in live. This is true about searching for the love of your life or even trying new things or finding a hobby. Open your heart and mind to someone or something doesn't mean you have to worry about expectations.

Whew! Well, that is it for now, I'm sure I'll have more along the way. This was not meant to hurt anybodies feelings, it is not personal. Don't assume it's about you if your a single girl. Remember that, because it might not be about you specifically at all.

I know this is all part of searching, I know that we are already learning and growing as we go with through this together. Putting yourself out there isn't easy, risking your heart can be painful, but when we have found the right person it will all be worth it.

Let's see where friendship leads...

2009-06-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

Getting to know people over the Internet can be difficult. In some ways it takes more time than developing a relationship where you can just say, "Hey, let's go out to lunch".

Right now, I'm not in a huge rush to move things forward into anything other than developing friendships and seeing where they lead. We are just beginning our search, we are looking for someone with whom we plan to spend the rest of our lives. I'm not looking for right now, I'm looking for always.

That means we are going to take our time and get it right. I don't think anyone we are talking to should close themselves off from talking to other families. I don't think we are anywhere near that stage with anyone.

Let's just see where friendship leads, let's not rush.

Our Family Our Rules

2009-05-28T20:14:00.000-07:00

My husband started a blog! I thought I would mention it here, in case anyone wanted to check it out. After reading it, I felt it was somewhat similar to mine, lol. :) Probably because we discuss these things all the time. Especially now that we are searching for the right fit for our family. It is SO exciting just to be able to say that!

At any rate, I'm going to share the link!

http://www.livingbyourownrules.blogspot.com/

Memorial Day Thoughts

2009-05-25T18:57:00.001-07:00

This is off blog topic in a way, but then again it is not. After all, this blog is about choosing to live our lives the way we would like to live them. It's a freedom we truly believe in. Worshiping God in our own way and living our lives in the way we choose are principles to which we firmly believe. That freedom is part our American heritage, part of principles to which our country is founded.

As Memorial Day comes to a close, I would like to share some thoughts.

Memorial Day is meant to honor our service men and women who have given their very lives in service to our country. It is a proud tribute to those who made the ultimate sacrifice to preserve the freedom to which we enjoy today. It is not Veterans Day and it is not Armed Forces Day.

It believe it is important that we recognize the difference. Today, the cable channel AMC chose to show videos of soldiers coming home from Afghanistan and Iraq re-uniting with family and friends. They played these videos in between showing war movies. I believe while this was well meaning, it was in poor taste.

You see, today is meant to honor those who never came home. It is dedicated to those who never got a happy reunion. Memorial Day is a sacred day for remembering those who have given their very lives. We owe it to those who have given the ultimate sacrifice to remember the true purpose of Memorial Day. The cost of freedom is high, the cost to preserve our freedom continues to come at a heavy price. We have a debt, which we can never pay back, to those who have paid for our freedom with their very lives. The very least we can do is to keep this day a special tribute that belongs only to them. We owe it to their family: the widows/widower, their children and other family members to remember those who never came home. Who will never be reunited, including those who rest on foreign soil. We must not forget those who have paid the ultimate price, their very lives.

That is not to say that I don't believe in honoring our Veterans, or those who are currently serving in uniform and their families. That would be far from the truth. As a wife, who has watched her husband go off to war, believe me when I say firmly respect our Veterans and Service Members. I know the sacrifices our Veterans and Military Families have made and continue to make so that we can preserve freedom. I can proudly say that members of my family have served in every war since the American Revolution. I have family members serving in harms way even as I write this. I truly believe that our military Veterans, along with current Service Men, Women and their families give up more than most citizens will ever truly understand. But today is meant for those who have given their very lives and we ought to remember that today is dedicated solely to them.

We need to preserve the true meaning of Memorial Day, the true cost of freedom is high and those who have given all deserve to keep this day sacred.

Moving Forward

2009-05-08T16:44:00.000-07:00

It took us years of thinking, talking and praying before we decided to move forward with our search. Now we are just taking things slowly. We aren't in a huge rush, we don't expect to find another soul mate in the blink of an eye. Finding someone with whom we can spend the rest of our lives with takes time.

We have already made some great new friends. It's always great to get to know new people and make new friends. We have met a few people that were looking for something different and that is okay. Even when you meet someone who isn't for you or you aren't for them, that is just part of the journey. We even met someone who wanted 'punishment'...that was a little scary. We were definitely not for her, abuse will never have a place in our home. I won't say anything more about that.

We met someone quite early in our search who was very special. Everything seemed to match; our likes, dislikes, politics, child rearing, family life. It just all seemed to fit. There weren't any expectations, we would rather just get to know someone as friends and see where things go from there. Like I said, we aren't in a rush and we want to get this right. Through her blog we got to know her as she put it, "the meat and potatoes" of who she is as a person. We were hoping to get to know her even better and think about dating. She was keeping all her options open and we were fine with that. When in time the idea became truly real to her, that she could find a couple who she might really want to be a part of their family. She then was hit with the fact that her family would never accept it. They might even cut her out of their lives. She realized they would never be able to share in her joy of her wedding, marriage and children. Faced with the reality that her family would never accept it, she would have to shut them out of a very important part of her life. It was too much. Which we totally understand and yet, it hurt.

When you have someone who tells you they could really see themselves becoming a part of your family...And that everything they want in a relationship and what you want matches. But they can't because due to reasons that no one can control, it's hard. It was actually painful, even in the early stages. We had grown attached to this person more than we ever expected could happen in such a short time. I was hurting, my husband was hurting...We wanted to do something to try and make it right but you can't. There is nothing you can do to make it right. Scott thought about sending flowers, but this isn't something flowers can fix. Nothing could change the problem. We prayed about it and that is all we could do. Letting it go was difficult, just thinking about it still makes me sick to my stomach.

Her family means the world to her, she was raised by extended family due to her parents death. She can't turn around and break their hearts or lie to them. We understand that completely. Nothing is more important to us than family, we want someone who thinks family is everything.

The hard part comes in with finding someone who wants to put family first, but is willing to risk telling their own family they are going to do something that isn't accepted in our society. That isn't easy. It's daunting just thinking about it.

We are moving forward with continued thought and prayer. We wish her the best of course, we still care about her very much. We pray that she gets everything she wants out of life. She realized that a poly relationship is not something she can be a part of even though the idea of a poly family appeals to her. We hope that she finds the love of her life, that she has the marriage and family that she longs to have someday. We have no doubts that she will be a wonderful spouse and Mother. We pray she finds someone who truly appreciates her.

We really hesitated to write about this, but it IS part of our journey. Everything we learn along the way brings us closer to where God intends us to be, I firmly believe that. For some reason our paths crossed, we may never know the reason why and that is okay. It's not always easy, but nothing worthwhile in life is easy. When things come easily we don't appreciate them as much. When God sends us the right person, we will appreciate her in every way.

The "P" word

2009-04-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

The word Polygamy creates so much controversy in it's own right. I understand that people link it to abuse, underage marriages and a variety of other crimes we would never tolerate. Abuse will never be a part of our home.

It's important to note that not all polygamous families fall into this category. Not all of them are religious fanatics, not all of them are even religious for that matter. Polygamous families have been painted with a broad brush, in my opinion that is not fair. You can find abuse in every single segment of our society; monogamous families, poly families, single parent homes, abuse even occurs in some foster homes. Unfortunately, abuse happens in all classes of our society as well. Yes, poverty can sometimes breed abuse. I'm not ignoring that fact. But, does being wealthy make you immune to abuse? No, it doesn't.

As far as the FDLS community, I do think that the 1950's raids of FDLS compounds and the subsequent hiding has led to some of the atrocities we have seen on the news. Hiding can breed it's own abuse, it makes it more difficult for child protective services to pin point those who are committing abuse and those who are not. It makes people less likely to ask for help or report abuse. When people hide they are less likely to seek medical care. As we have seen in Texas, raids will never solve the problem. They will only compound the problem by forcing the FDLS community underground and into countries like Mexico. How does that help the children? It doesn't. These children need to get an education just like every child in America deserves an education. I'm not saying the families can't or shouldn't home school their children. I do think we need to ensure that all children who are home schooled are actually getting a good education. This goes for all types of families that are homeschooling. Testing once a year, ensuring curriculum meets or exceeds the educational standards is important. Should society dictate if parents want to teach that polygamy is part of their religion? No, even our courts have upheld that a parent has the right to teach polygamy to their children.

You hardly ever hear about another community in Colorado City, Arizona. It's called Centennial Park, most of it's residents are living in polygamy. The majority of these families are no different than your own; they don't dress any differently, they put their children first in their lives and they don't abuse our welfare system. Many of these families have successful businesses, they educate their children and they own their own homes. Some of them are actually quite lavish. This suburb doesn't have walls of isolation, these people aren't living on compounds. Some of them believe in homeschooling, but many of them send their children to the local public school. Which is just like the average public school in your neighborhood and across our country. There is one exception, there are more parent volunteers at that school than the average public school. Why? Because polygamy gives parents the freedom of having more people to share in responsibility. Therefore, they have the free time to volunteer in the classroom.

Our society wants children to know that LOVE is what creates a family. Children are now taught in public school and even on Sesame Street that families comes in all different shapes and sizes. It isn't having a two parent household that makes a family. What makes us a family is what binds us all together and that is LOVE. When there is love in a family, when children are living in an environment free of abuse, this is when children blossom. It is then that they become who they are intended to be. They can live up to their full potential. Who doesn't want that for every child? Wouldn't this world be a better place if every child had that opportunity?

Polygamy has many advantages. There are more people to ensure the children are nurtured, well cared for and loved. Having additional positive role models in a child's life isn't a bad thing, is it? Today, our society has very few present parents. There is a lack of family values, people want to put themselves first and are interested in instant gratification. In a poly family people share, they work together.

Poly marriages are not for everyone, I understand that. So, don't get the wrong idea. I do believe that poly marriages should not be illegal. A poly marriage should never be forced on someone. This is not about a husband breaking his marriage vows. What I am trying to express is that if all the adults consent to a poly marriage and that the first wife wants to bring in another spouse, who is society to say she is wrong? Our government should stay out of it. Weed out and punish the abusers, everyone should be in support of that, but don't punish all poly families. My husband made his vows to me, not the government. If I want to release him of that covenant and take new vows together with our new spouse isn't that up to me? We believe in love, not force. This isn't just my husbands idea, this is something I want very much for our family. I'm looking forward to having a sisterwife/co wife. The bond between sisterwives/co wives can be amazing, it doesn't have to mean jealousy and insecurity.

There are many poly families living in suburbs right outside your front door. Maybe your surprised to hear that, perhaps you don't believe me. It's true. Poly families don't just live in compounds. They don't all live in places like Colorado City. We live in a gorgeous golf course community, in an excellent school district. For quite some time we had a poly family living right across the street from us. There were 3 wives, one husband. The husband and the first wife worked outside the home, the other two wives stayed at home taking care of the children. They dressed just like every other person in our community. They are just live everyone else, they have goals, dreams and want what is best for their family. The only difference is the family has more than one wife. There is more than one mother, the women work together and share their husband. This doesn't mean the husband loves one of his wives any more or less than the other. They were well educated, they weren't ignorant or fanatical. When our neighbors got to know them they found they were a very loving family, caring people and good citizens in our community.

Bringing in another wife doesn't have to mean your husband loves you any less. Wanting another wife in the family doesn't mean the first wife is lacking in some way. I'm secure enough to know this for a fact. Our family is open to the possibility of something even better, with growth comes change, I realize that. It doesn't mean that this change has to be negative. Sure there will be bumps along the way, but that is life isn't it? My marriage is very passionate, we are affectionate and there isn't anything we wouldn't do for one another. None of that is going to change when we add another spouse to our family. My husband is faithful, he's a good man and a good father. There is no reason why I can't share that with a woman we both grow to love. What is right for our marriage is up to us.

Abuse will never be a part of our lives, it will never be a part of our marriage. Abuse is something we would never tolerate. We will always believe in putting our family first. This will not change when our family takes vows with another spouse.

Why....

2009-04-11T00:41:00.000-07:00

Recently, someone asked me why we would want to add another wife to our family. While there isn't really a simple answer for that, I will try.

Sister wives or co-wives have a bond that not everyone can understand, having that bond is something I am really looking forward to. There is a saying that, "It takes a Village to Raise a Child". I believe it to be true. Can there ever be enough love in a family? Can there truly ever be too much nurturing and support for children? I don't think so, neither does my husband. We are very present parents, who each add to our children's lives in our own way. We compliment each other, discuss things and parent together. Our children are turning out all the better for it. I believe the right person will only add to our children's development. You can never have enough positive role models in a child's life.

What I dream about in a sister wife/co wife is that she will add to the love in our marriage and family. My husband is a good man, he is a wonderful father and I know he will make a wonderful spouse to our new partner. I'm not threatened by sharing him, I know some would be. I'm not saying poly living is for everyone. We will both love our new partner and that will only add to our love, it doesn't take away from it.

What I want is for my children to be my new spouse's children, for us to be one big family. Not too separate families. Women can support each other in amazing ways when they work together. Just as my husband is my best friend, I'm looking for our new spouse to be another best friend as well. We can support and encourage each other, working as partners in our new marriage. Who wouldn't look forward to being there for a sister wife when she is ready to have children? When that time comes I will share in the joy with my sister wife and our husband. That said, we aren't rushing into anything, we want to take our time and make sure we find the right spouse. That is as important for us as it is for her. Marriage is a big commitment, poly marriage is no different, when we commit to our new spouse she will be a part of our family in every way. If she already has children, they will be a part of our family in every way as well.

Our family does just about everything together, we are very close. Yet there are times when I would really enjoy having another woman around. We can do things together that the boys might not be interested in doing together. There are times when it will be nice to have another woman's point of view. Someone with whom I am fully ready to share the love of my husband with, that is what I'm looking for in a new spouse.

That said, we are not looking to add a string of wives. We believe two wives in our family will be the perfect number for us. Together instead of a couple we will be a trouple! I'm not judging poly families that have more, but just like poly living isn't for everyone, more than two wives isn't for us. Dr. Joyce Brothers once said, "Polygamy is not as bad as people think. I would rather be third in line to a good man, than the only wife of a jerk". I believe that is true. I have a wonderful husband, he has supported me in everything I do. When I was pregnant with our fourth, I had several of the nurses tell me that they had never seen a more attentive husband. My perinatologist said the very same thing. My husband is protective, yet loving. He is strong, but also passionate and tender. He's not afraid to show affection, yet he is a man in every sense of the word. He is never abusive in any way. My opinion means something to him, he values my input, he is always fair and never callous. He is head of the family and a positive male role model for our children. Friends are constantly telling me how lucky I am to have Scott, I know it. He feels lucky to have me. When we find the right person, we will feel fortunate to have found her. We have a great marriage. I don't believe people should pursue polygamy without a great marriage. Poly living will not fix your marriage, it isn't fair to bring someone into a marriage that doesn't have a strong foundation. We have that, why wouldn't I want to share that with someone else?

We are very affectionate, we have a passionate marriage, this has only grown over the years. It hasn't diminished. Having another wife in our marriage will not diminish this. Our new spouse will have a full partnership in our marriage, she will not be a second class citizen. In some ways poly living gives women more freedom, not less. There are more people to nurture the children. The family only has more love and encouragement, they can truly support each other in every aspect of their lives. We will support our new spouse in her goals and dreams the same way we do with each other now. What could possibly be wrong with that?

This isn't about giving up something in our marriage, it's about adding to it.

The Foundation of our Family

2009-04-10T22:21:00.000-07:00

Our family has a strong foundation. We are best friends, soul mates and are very much in love. We met early in life, became best friends and quickly fell in love. We married after 2 years of dating, that was nearly 2o years ago! Through time our love has only grown stronger. Our marriage is loving, passionate and we support each other in every aspect of our lives.

"Everything for the Family" is the way we live our lives." Nothing is more important to us than our family and friends. There isn't anything we wouldn't do for those we love. We are 36 and 38 years of age. Together we've been blessed with four children, all boys, whom we love very much. We are raising them to be responsible, respectful young men. We are present parents in every way. We believe that with lots of love, support and encouragement children grow up to become the people they were intended to be. Children need nurture and guidance, along with parents who can provide for all their needs. One of the most important gifts you can give your children is the gift of your time and attention. We believe just like marriage parenting is a partnership.

Our marriage is important to us, we take time to nurture it on a regular basis. We enjoy regular 'date' nights out and enjoy eating out, going to hear live music and dancing. Our friends like to joke that you never see one of us without the other and that is true. We truly enjoy spending time with each other and wouldn't want it any other way. We believe that for a poly-marriage to work you need to have a strong foundation.

We are two soul mates looking for another soul mate with whom we can share our love & lives. One who will be a part of our marriage and family in every way. When the time is right we would like to have more children. We know we have enough love to share our lives with another spouse and look forward to having an amazing bond with another person. We are secure enough to know that more love will only add to our family it won't take away from it.

We are Christians, who believe in God. We are not swingers, we're not doing this on a whim or to spice up our marriage. For us this is about commitment. We have talked about this for a long time and believe this is the right time to begin our journey. As we set upon our path of looking for another soul mate this blog is a part of our journey.